soulless love gone
by indipop
Summary: this is my re-write of new moon, but instead bella is bad ass, shes devil daughter and her mother is gods right hand angel. she owns the earthbound supernatural beings, and it is she who gives vampires their special powers so is very much stronger
1. the begining of the end

Preface

I was trapped in this knowledge of myself, dying for the truth to come out, dying for him to know everything about me, but scared that he couldn't handle it, that he would leave. Even with everything I could control, with all the power I held I couldn't make him accept who I was. But he was the only, and without him I was sure I couldn't be who I wanted to be, that the angel in me would fade away and the devil take over. I had fought so long to become what could be called a good person, I was part devil, so as good as I could be. Was I going to let the only person that I could ever, in this world, love, do that to me?

I was thought incapable of love, I belonged to my father, they thought he wouldn't let me. But he did, and now I stood to lose that because of what I am. Think of the irony. I knew I would never love again, but from I'd seen (and that was many millennia's), you had to be honest with your beloved. I was always terrified of the truth. It was in my blood.

If that happened it would be the end of the world. It was all on him, the future of everything, and on if I could make him understand. I wasn't sure I it was possible, but I had to try. Right?

But first I had to save him, from something that was merely one of the things I was here to control, but the most annoying. Them being vampires, they weren't used to someone, (or something, I wasn't exactly sure) Being infinitely more powerful than them. But they were right to be afraid.

Chapter One

He thought I was turning 18. The truth was I was turning eighteen thousand years old. He was scared that his world was too much for me, and leaving was always in the back of his mind. Of course he didn't know that. He thought I was a weak human that he could protect and shield from the worst of everything. He thought I needed sleep, that I needed food and all that other human jazz.

He was so past wrong that it was kinda funny. Of course if you don't know what I'm talking about this would all sound crazy. To understand you must hear where I came from all those years ago. So here's the story:

_At the dawn of time there were the Gods, including Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite and all the rest. But like all gods before them, they died away from power and from human beliefs. Then the world turned to Christianity, after Jesus was crucified, and also God. But as God came to power, so did is brother, my father. The Devil._

_But as unexpected as it was for me to fall in love, it was even more so for my father. But he fell in love with one of prized of my Uncle, God. My mother is the High Guardian Angel, that's where I get my goodness it seems. She fell in love as well, and made the ultimate sacrifice. She moved to Hell. _

_I know this seems crazy, but it is true. And when I came, everybody was overjoyed. All but one, my father was not the happiest. He knew I would have good in me, that I would have all the universe on my side, from him, my mother and God. But most important I would be more powerful that him. He was furious. You can't even imagine the wrath of the devil. And when my mother finally saw that side of him she came to her senses, and fell out of love (I say fell out of her insanity). She went back to heaven and begged for her old soul back. Since nobody can go from heaven and hell with the same soul. Except me of course, since I have both necessary._

_As soon as I was old enough, the world of the supernatural was put into my charge. I make sure there's a balance of good and evil in the world. _

Edward had no idea of any of this

He thought I was like anybody else, human, and totally unaware of the supernatural.

He was special though. Nothing that I couldn't top though. He can read minds. Of course I can control, read and block them. But I'm ultimately powerful so that doesn't count. He was surprised when he couldn't "hear" me, but I blocked him so he couldn't.

After I snapped my fingers to change my clothes, called my bag to me, and filled my wallet with an acceptable amount of money for a teenager to have. I didn't have breakfast like always, 'cause I didn't need to. I could if I wanted to, but there was no point. I got into the piece of junk that was apparently able to be called a car. I could get there so much faster just by thinking of the place I wanted to be. Anywhere I wanted to go if I thought about it I would be transported to, but people would most likely be suspicious if I appeared out of nowhere.

When I got to the school parking lot I saw Him. Waiting for me like always, like, well not an angel, I had seen too many of those, maybe an Adonis or one of the originals (what my world called the gods here before time began). I almost lost the control over his mind (and mine) when I heard him just stop thinking anything and started seeing me and thought of nothing else.

But as soon as I got out of the car Alice, Edward's future seeing sister, was right there.

"Happy Birthday Bella." She almost purred.

"Thanks" I moaned, I hated charades when it wasn't a game. But she thought I was moaning about being older than Edward, and I almost laughed. Almost.

"So when do you want your presents?" she asked enthusiastically. Walking slowly to Edward's car.

I hate presents, I have everything, and I feel bad when I don't use useful things and that they put thought and effort into getting me something they thought I might like.

So I decided to be cheeky. "I thought you would give them to me at the surprise party tonight. But I don't mind." I said with a smirk on my face.

She was totally caught off guard, and that was not common. She finally gained her control, and then became 'Alice the Detective'.

"How'd you know?" she demanded.

"I was guessing, but now I know for sure. Thanks." I said very cheekily.

I loved messing with vampires, they were always so sure of themselves, and didn't like being taken by surprise. Especially Alice.

When we finally got to Edwards car, he cut in.

"So when DO you want your presents? Oh! And Happy Birthday!" he said with a sly wink that Alice didn't see.

That made me both happy and sad. Him saying happy birthday felt worse than it did when Alice said.

Again I just said thanks.

On our way to lunch (Edward managed to get in all my classes this year) I saw something, not real or distracting, but of the future (again if somebody could do it I could top it). But my visions were not subjective like Alice's, they were set in stone.

_I saw me and the rest of the Cullen's at their house, tonight it seems because I was opening present I would feel bad about later. As I was opening one that was shaped like a CD case I slipped. A papercut. I may be amazing at everything, but in human form, I was as human as human could be, and still vulnerable to injure. _

_Jasper was there, Edwards brother and Alice's husband, he was the most recent to become what the Cullen's called Vegetarian Vampires (they only hunted animals not humans) and was still weak around blood. Me being supernatural, could fix everything about my human self except this delicious smell of my blood, even in this diluted form, it tortured Edward, my blood would be special for him, it called to him. It wasn't as strong for the others, but it was still sweet to them. _

_Jasper was caught off guard, he lunged, Edward pushed me out of the way and I crashed into one of the Cullen's crystal vases, and that cut me even worse._

_Emmet and Carlisle, Edward's other adopted brother and his father (creator actually), had just enough time to stop jasper before anything worse happened. _


	2. how i saw my fate

Chapter 2

That left me standing still, shocked and incomprehensible this event would surely be the cause of Edwards leaving, and since his hand was already wrapped around mine, in what I knew was a feeble showing of his strength( feeble compared to mine) I held on tighter, and I knew he noticed.

...

When he took me home that afternoon he knew I was thinking about something, and didn't interrupt. But that gave him the chance to think about the strange occurrence this afternoon, I was listening to him absentmindedly, fitting his thoughts into what would be the future.

He thought that I maybe knew he was considering leaving to protect me, then he thought that it was absurd, how could I know his secret plans.

But, I knew, of course I knew. He would leave me and the only way to stop him was to tell him the truth. That thought gave me chills. I didn't want to give him the chance to reject me. He was leaving, but that was to protect me from the dangers he thought his world presented me, but he wasn't rejecting me. That would kill me, destroy me, and I don't think this time I would (or could) come back.

I had that option when I died; I purposefully died so I could go to where I was even more powerful than when I was now. But I always came back to earth to look after what I was bound to protect. One day I knew I would choose to stay, because the world had nothing left for me.

I pondered for a second to stop Edward when he stepped in to protect me tonight, and see my father, my mother and my beloved uncle. Then I realized he would die when I did that , then we could rule the afterworld. But I didn't want that for him, I wanted him on earth with his family, but most of all I wanted him to be happy.

...

I knew Alice didn't have my vision so I didn't have to worry about Edward going crazy beforehand. But I worried, he just thought I was stressed about this party his family had thrown and reassured me, while I just nodded. He also told me to be good.

"This is the first birthday we've had in over fifty years, so be a good sport. Okay?"

I didn't get why it was so important for him that I have a nice birthday. Then I realized he wanted me to stay human, he didn't want his presence in my life to destroy this ageing, sleeping, eating form I had taken. Sure I had been in this form a long time, but my presence in it had become timeless, nothing led me to feel time passing. Till Him.

When he parked in the Cullen's front yard (which was more of a meadow) he raced round in a flash of speed, that he always used when we were alone, to open my door for me. I thought to myself 'one day we will race and see who is faster, my friend.'

He held my hand as we walked to the door, and I could hear the shuffling of the others inside( even though I shouldn't have been able to according to Edward's beliefs). He opened the door for me, I sucked in a silent breath and walked inside.

They all said "Happy birthday" at the exact same time, it was kinda scary. I leaned into Edward, his presence was comforting.

Alice stepped out of the formation they had created and with a smile that was a cross between ecstatic and relieved said in a strained voice.

"Is it finally later?" Answering cheekily, as I always was with Alice, I said.

"Why do you ask?" I bet even if I couldn't hear her thoughts I would have heard the cussing out she was giving me in her head. I laughed, in a tone that I received from my angelic mother, a tinkling of bells many described it as. It was infectious, and everybody joined in. That is everybody except Rosalie.

Rosalie is not my bestest friend, she hates my guts. She's Edward's other adopted sister and married to Emmett, Edwards' favorite Brother and this bear of a man, with a booming laugh. He was fun to be around, so as I was becoming more and more familiar with Edward's family, I spent more time with him as well. Much to Rosalie's disdain. Even though Edward didn't tell me, I knew why she hated me. I was human, and I had everything she ever wanted, opportunities, to have a real family, to grow old with my loved one, and to carry on with a life after college.

"What do you think of the cake?" Alice asked demandingly, cutting off my train of thought.

Then I finally saw the room. Pink tassels were everywhere, with big pink bows attaching then to the walls, glowing strawberry candles, and worst of all, a giant pink iced cake, that looked like a professionals. White candy flowers covered most of the pink icing, it was perfect. I wanted to die.

I dodged attention for fear of being found out, it came naturally, and this was just too much. So as I always did, I dodged the question.

"It looks way too big for only one person." Again my answer annoyed her, so I added.

"You went to too much trouble, its perfect." At that she warmed up to me again.

Esme, Edwards adoptive mother pushed Alice aside and gave me a hug, as she was doing so she whispered in my ear, "Sorry Bella, we tried to rein her in."

At that everybody laughed. Then Alice thrust a big box at me, and I absentmindedly noticed that Emmett had left the room. As I was opening the present, I felt that it felt empty, and wondered why.

The box, as I had guessed had nothing in it.

"Ah, thanks?" I said hesitantly.

"It's a radio for your car. Emmett's out installing it now." Edward explained.

"Oh, then thanks. Thank you to Emmett." I said the last part a little louder so Emmett could hear me. I heard him start howling with laughter as he was coming back in.

"Next present." Alice squealed.

"You went overboard didn't you?" I said sarcastically.

"Pretty much, yep." She added even more sarcastically.

The present she handed to me this time was shaped like a CD case, the same one I saw earlier today. I was at crossroads, I could purposely get that papercut, or I could try not to and save everybody the hassle.

As I was opening I decided to leave it all to luck, and I have always had very good luck so I wasn't too worried.

Then I saw, the vision I saw of this very moment, then was when I realized that I didn't have a choice which way this moment would go.

Three things would happen, this much I knew.

I would get a papercut.

Jasper would charge.

And Edward would leave.

This distracted me and I barely felt my skin slice open.

In a knee-jerk reaction I said, "Ouch! Papercut."


	3. those green eyes

Chapter 3

But I was too far into the shock of the absence of Edward that I hardly noticed Jasper loose himself to the thirst that he had been denying for so long, I didn't feel Edward push me out of the way, and I was only slightly aware of crashing into a crystal vase and then the blood streaming down my arm. All these were mere annoyances, but nothing touched the pain that ripped through me in and out. Only In the corner of my eye did I see that Emmett and Alice were taking Jasper outside, and that Edward was in a defensive crouch in front of me.

My attention was even more taken when Esme had to leave the room, then I realized that my blood was everywhere, Edward wasn't breathing so he wouldn't have to smell anything.

...

I was still in shock, but I had managed to hide it from Edward, he would think it was his fault, and he did anyway. As always he took the blame for everything. I hated that. Because it was my fault, if I hadn't let myself slip and loose the tight control that I had always needed, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Together Carlisle and I convinced to go out and see Jasper while Carlisle stitched up and cleaned out my wounds. I was pleased to be able to have a nice conversation with Carlisle about his history.

"So how do you stand it? The smell I mean. So it doesn't bother you at all?"I demanded rather abrasively.

He wasn't offended by my question, but he did ponder it for awhile, I was about to ask again when he said quite calmly.

"It took centuries to gain the self-control that I have achieved, but I do not take anything for granted. Doing so gave me a family and I can do the job that I love without putting anyone in danger." But I wasn't completely satisfied with this as an answer, so I asked another question.

"But why did you decide to do it in the first place, and change the way nature made it to be?" Again he took awhile to ponder the inquiry I had presented him with. But his answer was more than satisfactory.

"I didn't want conform to the norm, I didn't want to kill and I didn't want to be what I was. I actually spent the first few months of my new life trying to find away to destroy myself, and as you see now, I was unsuccessful. One day I was running past a herd of deer, and I thought, 'Don't people eat venison?' the rest of the story is obvious. After I had learned enough self control to work as a doctor, it was a century later, and the Spanish influenza had hit.

Edward and his mother were extremely sick. Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. When the end came for her, it was very quick.

"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached—always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore. "She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot. "Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage. "I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt.

Everything felt cold to her skin.

"You must," she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in _your _power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

"It was she who made up my mind to change Edward." Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows. "It frightened me. She looked at me with those piercing eyes, and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand. "I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be.

"There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death." Carlisle saw it all again, his memory left perfect even by the intervening century. Her words repeated themselves in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son? I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have.

"After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough people to keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was vacant—empty of the living at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home.

"I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." And as an afterthought he added on, "Edward looks a great deal like her—she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same colour green."

At that moment Edward came in and said he'd take me home.

I was still trying to picture it, Edward with green eyes, I was so used to an Edward with gold or black eyes. But I thought he would suit it quite well. I had always loved green eyes, the colour represented so many things; forests, nature, jealousy, a fresh new spring. Green was special to me.

I would now be losing something I had never had. Those green eyes.


	4. the truth of the matter

Chapter 4

How could I convince him to stay? Telling the truth might make him stay. But I couldn't tell him the truth, I wasn't ready. That was my security, my cushion to fall back on.

It didn't occur to me to follow him forever until he decided to come back to me. I was in too much distress.

The next few days went on slowly and the entire time I was in devastating expectancy.

When would he tell me? Would he just disappear, leaving me wondering if he was ever here?

All the routines we had created were still kept; he waited for me by his car in the morning, walked me to all my classes, sat with me at lunch And walked me to my car after school, but he didn't come over.

I asked where Alice was once, but he just said that Jasper needed her. Whenever I asked him another question after that the answers were all monosyllabic and sharp. I gave up, I stopped talking and started drowning in my sorrow.

I didn't even listen to his thoughts for fear that hearing it in his mind would make it more final.

...

One afternoon, once he had walked me to my car he asked,

"Can I come over now?"

This is it, this is the end, was all that crossed my mind.

"Sure," I said in the same monosyllabic tone he had used all week. He was slightly taken aback, but I ignored him and started driving.

I loved him, but I had a temper, and I was extremely upset. I didn't know if I could (or would) control it this time.

As always he beat me home, as usual, when he came over, he took my bag for me. But unusually, he threw it back in my car.

"Can we go for a walk?" he asked more politely than he had all week. I simply nodded, I couldn't find words anymore.

He lead me into the woods by my house, not very far though, I could still see the road. He turned with an expression that burned with pain, but at the same time it was as hard as the stone that he was.

"It's time to leave Bella." He stated simply. I decided to play dumb, since he didn't even acknowledge that he didn't mean me.

"Where are we doing?" I asked, almost mockingly.

"My family and I," he articulated, "Are moving on. Carlisle can't even pass for thirty and he's trying for thirty-three. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper have gone to college, Alice and I have decided to go with them. You're not coming with us Bella." He said firmly.

"'Kay," It was an understatement. I wanted to shout and scream at him for even considering this.

"My world is not for you Bella. I should've left a long time ago. But I promise you will never see me again. I will not cause you anymore distress or pain."

Now was the time to speak up if the truth really would make him stay. But I was silent, and he obviously desperate to leave.

That pushed my anger over the edge.

"Why did you do this? Why didn't you just leave like you so clearly want to do now? Why do you think this is any better?" I said with hate filling my voice. I could so easily forget my love for him now; I could so easily send him to a place that I had full control over. I could destroy him if I wanted to. If I didn't love him as completely as I did.

But he just said simply and genuinely "I'm sorry."

It was too limited a response, it made me madder.

"Why in the first place? Please, I beg of you tell me your sorry excuse for ruining my life." I let him have it.

"I don't love you anymore." He blurted out.

I couldn't move, that was not the answer what I expected to hear. Pain overruled the anger. I was burnt out, I wanted to die. Surely he is not serious.

"You are joking, right?" I laughed, and gave myself over to the hysteria, I couldn't help it. I lost myself and lost all reasoning. Laughter let me escape the pain for a few moments.

Over my laughter he said solemnly, "Of course I will always love you, in a way. But what happened to other day made me realize that it's time for a change. I'm tired of pretending to be human Bella."

I was ready to tell him the truth, shout it at him until he realized that I was less human than he was, and he was the one who was tired of acting. I could show him acting, this wasn't even how I was supposed to look. I couldn't though, he would have to realize it for himself I decided. I wouldn't make him stay because of that. And as I stared into the bottomless pits of his hard eyes, I knew he honestly didn't love me anymore.

"This is my goodbye Bella," He said frankly. He came over and kissed my forehead, then disappeared into the forest.

I loved him.

I thought he loved me. But apparently I was wrong.

I decided to follow him. As he ran I stalked him silently, easily keeping pace. This time I decided to listen to his thoughts, see the truth for sure. I felt him hold on to my scent, which caused him so much pain. He let it course through him. He held on to that pain. It was almost like a sorry or a silent goodbye to all hope.

He did love me, but he didn't want to.

I watched him with rapt focus, I watched how he ran, watched each detail of his face tear apart with pain. I filled my mind with him so I would never forget, so that for a few moments I could not feel so alone.

I memorized his inner voice, the exact colour of his hair, the particular gold of his eyes.

I didn't want to lose those memories, they were my lifelines.

I followed him in a wide arch, ending back at my house. I watched him go inside and take all the things that would remind me of him. Somewhere along the way I lost myself in the pain. A little part of me noticed him leave the stuff under one of my floorboards, but I wanted to forget all those things.

I saw what he was trying to do, and didn't blame him for it. I would do the same thing if I ever left him.

...

Now I hardly notice time passing. I died that day, in a way I had never died before, and I had died in many ways. This time I had died inside, I wasn't there anymore.

Charlie, my pretend farther for this world whom my real father had sent back with me last time I went home, was strongly against me going back home again.

That could mean admitting that I could fall in love and was heartbroken, and that make wouldn't anybody Happy. It would mean that my father, uncle and mother would have to finally him that that I was a mix of Good and that would not be the smartest thing to do.

I had started sleeping at night to pass the time, and pleasant surprise, I could dream.

I dreamt of Edward, I dreamt that he never left, mostly by dreamt of him being always just out Of my reach, running and never being able to catch up. When I woke from that particular dream I woke screaming. Each time Charlie came in and we talked. He was really nice about it.

A few months passed like that, four I think, but time passed even more slowly than usual for me.

I was considering a surprise trip to Italy, they are always more afraid at surprise visits. It would make me feel better being feared like that.

I wanted to be afraid of something, to be distracted by a fear. I was unafraid of everything, nothing showed threat, the only thing I was afraid of was the unknown.


	5. a future that i never saw

Chapter 5

When I was driving home one day, I saw motorbikes for sale on the side of the road. They weren't in very good condition, just rusty piles of junk. I couldn't fix them; I wouldn't know where to begin.

But I knew who would. Jacob Black. Jacob lived on the Quileute reservation, last I heard from Charlie (who made a point of making friends in the towns nearby, and had got to know Billy, Jacobs Dad, quite well.) That he was rebuilding a Classic Voltswagen Rabbit. I knew Jacob from the game I played making Edward believe I was a human who knew nothing about his world. I had asked Jake questions about his tribe's legends, he believed none of it. I knew all of it was true.

I genuinely liked Jacob, and was filled with regret when I realized that one day he would become a factor in those legends. A werewolf (shape shifter actually), there were already a few around. They were Sam, Paul and Jared. I could tell Jake didn't like them. I tried not to spend too much time in La Push though, so they wouldn't know I was here.

I had been meaning to visit him, but had never got round to it when Edward and I had started dating. This gave me an opportunity.

I walked up to the door and one of the boys from school opened it.

"How much for those bikes?" I said throwing my thumb over my shoulder.

"Hi. Well you can take them, they're there to be picked to be picked up with the rubbish." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Cool, well, thanks." I started to walk away.

"Wait! Let me help you with them." He offered kindly.

"Thank you very much." I said once he had put them into the back of my car.

"You're very welcome." He said rather boldly.

I tried to hide my blush while getting into the car, and I drove away waving.

When I was out of sight, I got out my cell-phone and called Charlie.

"Hey Charlie." I said brightly when he picked up.

"Hey bells, what's up?" He said casually, but I could tell he was surprised at the tone my voice had taken.

"Well, I just wanted directions to Billy's place, I'm gonna go see Jacob." I said more subdued this time. I didn't want Charlie to know my plan, I knew he would be cool with it, but I wanted it to be a secret so it would be more fun, childish, I know.

"Sure," he gave me the directions and said he'd join us for dinner.

"See you later." I fare welled.

"See you." Then he hung up.

When I arrived at Billy's place I saw Jake poke his head out of a window in cartoonish shock. As I came up to the door he opened it.

"What brings you here Bella?" he asked, though obviously pleased.

"Just thought I'd stop by." I remarked cheekily. I was happier than I had been in a long time.

"Hey Bella." I heard Billy call from inside.

"Hey Billy." I replied when he rolled into view. Unlike his son Billy believed in vampires, and I could see the concern in his big black eyes.

"Is Charlie coming over?" Billy asked hopefully.

"He said he'll be over for dinner." This pleased both Billy and Jake.

"Why don't we get pizza?" Jake pressed.

"Sounds good," I said, he liked that.

"Sure," Billy said.

After Billy rolled away in his wheelchair Jake asked," What do you want to do?

What were you doing before I came?"I countered.

"Well, actually I was going to go and work on my car." He said wistfully.

"Sounds perfect," I said.

"Really," he asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Nice car!" I said when we got to his garage.

"Isn't It? It's a classic Voltswagen Rabbit." This much I knew, I had always had a fascination in cars, especially classics. I had cars other than the rusting classic Chevy truck. But I couldn't drive them round.

"How much do you know about motorbikes Jake?" And I asked seriously.

"A little, why?"

"Well…," I told him about the rusty metal in my car, and after a look at them, he said there was fixable but needed some new parts and that would be expensive. I said money was no object. At that he raised an eyebrow and that made me laugh. He joined, I hadn't laughed like that in long time. And it felt good.

I spend the rest of the afternoon and his garage, sitting in his car talking with him and watching him work expertly on the bikes. He smiled openly and talked about school, and friends, and all the goings on in La Push, and I listened in rapt attention. His life was interesting to hear about.

"I'm boring you aren't I?" He asked abruptly.

"Honestly? No. I like hearing about your life, it's certainly more interesting that mine." I said honestly. I had been totally honest with Jake (apart from me being the spawn of Satan) and I loved it.

He was a Kindred spirit, someone who would be a true friend. I needed that. Maybe one day I'd be able to tell him the truth, maybe when he was one of the supernatural, we could compare strengths. But not yet.

After dinner Charlie and I went home. He said he was glad that I seemed happier. He knew everything, not like other peoples father's, he gave good advice, he didn't lecture he just listened. He had goods ears for listening.

I wasn't getting over Edward, I was just distracting myself. I knew one day I would get him back. But in the mean time I would have some fun. And I was sure he was having his.

I had recently been thinking of getting Adrian, my apprentice (and half-brother) to come and stay with me for a while, to do some Devilish training. But first I would get to know Jake a little better. I had arranged to meet him tomorrow, and much to my surprise, I was looking forward to it a lot.

I felt like going for a moonlit run tonight, something I hadn't done in a long time. I started out the run in my human form, and then decided to continue as a fox, then later on as a falcon. I could be free, and I loved it. So I made it my nightly ritual. I enjoyed changing shape, and going faster than any vampire would dare to try.

I spent most of my afternoons and weekends with Jacob from then on, sometimes working on the bikes, sometime catching up on homework. But we always had a lot of fun.

But then he started changing, he got taller very fast, and was a bit more moody. I saw my Jacob slipping out of one of my grasps and into another's. I didn't want that, I didn't want him to change into a werewolf, but it was inevitable. It wasn't something the even I could control, as a temper was in mine, it was in his genes.

But we still had fun together, and as much as I wanted to run from the fact. I loved him, and I felt that he loved me. It wasn't enough to cure the pain that Edward had caused me. But maybe I could live with that. I would be happy with Jake, he wouldn't hurt me and I wouldn't let him.

I thought this was a likely future until one day I got a call.


	6. bikes and phone calls

Chapter 6

When I was driving home one day, I saw motorbikes for sale on the side of the road. They weren't in very good condition, just rusty piles of junk. I couldn't fix them; I wouldn't know where to begin.

But I knew who would. Jacob Black. Jacob lived on the Quileute reservation, last I heard from Charlie (who made a point of making friends in the towns nearby, and had got to know Billy, Jacobs Dad, quite well.) That he was rebuilding a Classic Voltswagen Rabbit . I knew Jacob from the game I played making Edward believe I was a human who knew nothing about his world. I had asked Jake questions about his tribe's legends, he believed none of it. I knew all of it was true.

I genuinely liked Jacob, and was filled with regret when I realized that one day he would become a factor in those legends. A werewolf (shape shifter actually), there were already a few around. They were Sam, Paul and Jared. I could tell Jake didn't like them. I tried not to spend too much time in La Push though, so they wouldn't know I was here.

I had been meaning to visit him, but had never got round to it when Edward and I had started dating. This gave me an opportunity.

I walked up to the door and one of the boys from school opened it.

" How much for those bikes?" I said throwing my thumb over my shoulder.

"Hi. Well you can take them, they're there to be picked to be picked up with the rubbish." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Cool, well, thanks." I started to walk away.

"Wait! Let me help you with them." He offered kindly.

"Thank you very much." I said once he had put them into the back of my car.

"You're very welcome." He said rather boldly.

I tried to hide my blush while getting into the car, and I drove away waving.

When I was out of sight, I got out my cell-phone and called Charlie.

"Hey Charlie." I said brightly when he picked up.

"Hey bells, what's up." He said casually, but I could tell he was surprised at the tone my voice had taken.

"Well, I just wanted directions to Billy's place, I'm gonna go see Jacob." I said more subdued this time. I didn't want Charlie to know my plan, I knew he would be cool with it, but I wanted it to be a secret so it would be more fun, childish, I know.

"Sure," he gave me the directions and said he'd join us for dinner.

"See you later." I fare welled.

"See you." Then he hung up.

When I arrived at Billy's place I saw Jake poke his head out of a window in cartoonish shock. As I came up to the door he opened it.

"What brings you here Bella?" he asked, though obviously pleased.

"Just thought I'd stop by." I remarked cheekily. I was happier than I had been in a long time.

"Hey Bella." I heard Billy call from inside.

"Hey Billy." I replied when he rolled into view. Unlike his son Billy believed in vampires, and I could see the concern in his big black eyes.

"Is Charlie coming over?" Billy asked hopefully.

"He said he'll be over for dinner." This pleased both Billy and Jake.

"Why don't we get pizza?" Jake pressed.

"sounds good," I said, he liked that.

"Sure," Billy said.

After Billy rolled away in his wheelchair Jake asked," What do you want to do?

What were you doing before I came?"I countered.

"Well, actually I was going to go and work on my car." He said wistfully.

"sounds perfect," I said.

"Really," he asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

...

"Nice car!" I said when we got to his garage.

"Isn't It? It's a classic Voltswagen Rabbit." This much I knew, I had always had a fascination in cars, especially classics. I had cars other than the rusting classic Chevy truck. But I couldn't drive them round.

"How much do you know about motorbikes Jake?" And I asked seriously.

"a little, why?"

"Well…," I told him about the rusty metal in my car after a look at them, he said there was fixable but needed some new parts and that would be expensive. I said money was no object. At that he raised an eyebrow and that made me laugh. He joined, I hadn't some are like that in long time. And it felt good.

I spend the rest of the afternoon and his garage, sitting in his car talking with him and watching him work expertly on the bikes. He smiled openly and talked about school, and friends, and all the goings on in La Push, and I listened in rapt attention. His life was interesting to hear about.

"I'm boring you aren't i?" On he asked abruptly.

"Honestly? No. I like hearing about your life, it's certainly more interesting that mine." I said honestly. I had been totally honest with Jake (apart from me being the spawn of Satan) and I loved it.

He was a Kindred spirit, someone who would be a true friend. I needed that. Maybe one day I'd be able to tell him the truth, maybe when he was one of the supernatural, we could compare strengths. But not yet.

After dinner Charlie and I went home. He said he was glad that I seemed happier. He knew everything, not like other peoples father's, he gave good advice, he didn't lecture he just listened. He had goods ears for listening.

I wasn't getting over Edward, I was just distracting myself. I knew one day I would get him back. But in the mean time I would have some fun.

I had recently been thinking of getting Adrian, my apprentice (and half-brother) to come and stay with me for a while, to do some Devilish training. But first I would get to know Jake a little better. I had arranged to meet him tomorrow, and much to my surprise, I was looking forward to it a lot.

I felt like going for a moonlit run tonight, something I hadn't done in a long time. I started out the run in my human form, and then decided to continue as a fox, then later on as a falcon. I could be free, and I loved it. So I made it my nightly ritual. I enjoyed changing shape, and going faster than any vampire would dare to try.

I spent most of my afternoons and weekends with Jacob from then on, sometimes working on the bikes, sometime catching up on homework. But we always had a lot of fun.

But then he started changing, he got taller very fast, and was a bit more moody. I saw my Jacob slipping out of one of my grasps and into another. I didn't want that, I didn't want him to change into a werewolf, but it was inevitable. It wasn't something the even I could control, as a temper was in mine, it was in his genes.

But we still had fun together, and as much as I wanted to run from the fact. I loved him, and I felt that he loved me. It wasn't enough to cure the pain that Edward had caused me. But maybe I could live with that. I would be happy with Jake, he wouldn't hurt me and I wouldn't let him.

I thought this was a likely future until one day I got a call.

"There done." Jake said enthusiastically.

"Wow, the bikes are actually finished. I can't believe it, you're a genius Jake. Can I come over now?" I rushed out in one breathe because I was so excited.

"Why do you think I called? Course you can come round." He said in a different tone, it was more subdued, embarrassed maybe. Whatever it was it scared me.

"See you in fifteen, 'kay."

"Sure Bells," he whispered.


	7. author note

**A/N:**

**Hey all,**

**Sorry I havn't updated in ages, I got caught up in a few stories, and it being school hols and all I've been busy. Hopefully I'll type up some more today.**

**And I've been wondering if I should also do Eclipse etc.**

**Please review, and I don't care if they're bad reviews, I just want to know what you think.**

**Luvya indigpop**


	8. bye jake

**A/N:****Hey all,**

**Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, it's a new term at school so I'll be less busy, cause lets face it I never have any more than 10minutes homework and I don't care about assessments. Anywhoo, hopefully I'll update again later tonight or tomorrow.**

**Read. Review. Enjoy.**

**Luvya indipop xoxo**

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(**

Chapter 7

When I saw him he was completely different, he was taller, more muscular, and he had cut his long, black gossamer hair short and spiky. It looked good, but it wasn't him. He was explaining how to drive the bike, I wasn't really paying any attention. I saw the werewolf in him now, there was only one way to make him stay. Tell him the truth. It was déjà vu, and I knew I wouldn't tell him, not yet. I still wasn't ready.

"So have I got this right? That's the clutch, that's the brake, and this is how I change gears?" I asked with a look of concentration on my face, It must have been very funny, and I gave him credit for not laughing.

"Perfect. Do you think you can jump start it yourself?" he said doubtfully.

"Well how 'bout I give it a go?" I said in mock exasperation.

"We'll see," he replied very doubtfully, but all in good humor.

"I think that's a challenge if I ever heard one." I said sarcastically.

"Fine, ten bucks you can't start it yourself in the first ten goes." He challenged

"You're on Buster." And we shook on it.

So I failed at the first two goes, but on the third it caught to life, and growled at me for awaking it from its slumber under rust.

"Ha you owe me ten bucks Buddy." I yelled victoriously over the bikes attempts to scare me off.

"No way that's beginners luck." He defended.

"A deals a deal, you can't back out when you lose." I replied in mock horror.

"Fine, you win" he said with this funny little pout on his face, I had to laugh.

"Well lets go then" I yelled.

Then off I went. I had been in the fastest cars, I had even run faster than this, but there was something about the bike that was different. It was exhilarating, thrilling, nothing could compare what I was feeling now. I loved it.

Then I heard something that sent a chill down to my bones, a wolf howled in the distance and a sense of foreboding came over me. I felt lose in my future, I saw a vision of a dead lamb in my arms at dawn.

Okay, this may sound really weird, but sometimes in my visions you had to decode the meaning. Like dream interpreters I suppose. I knew holding a lamb in my arms meant sacrifice, death meant lose or being deprived, and dawn meant a new start. I knew I had to give something up to gain something, you can't just take from the universe, you had to give back, a balance needed to be maintained.

I turned the bike around and headed back to Jake.

"that was incredible, I have never felt anything like that." I said eyes wide with joy.

"Hey Bella, I know this is crap timing, and that we just got here, I'd love to stay and all. I just realized I have somewhere to be. I'm really sorry. But I'd rather you didn't stay by yourself, if you got hurt no one would be here to take you to the hospital." He rambled on, obviously distressed.

"it's okay Jake," it wasn't,

"I get it," I didn't,

"All I want is my ten bucks," I really didn't care. I said it to let him off his guilt.

"Thanks Bells," I heard a goodbye in that. It cut me deep, and I now saw him as a new werewolf. He couldn't be my friend anymore, he had other commitments, and a real way of finding his soul mate. He could Imprint.

"I won't be seeing you far a while, will I Jake?" I asked solemnly.

"Where did you get that idea?" he asked offended, but not denying.

"I've seen the signs before." A sob broke into my voice and betrayed me. I didn't let him reply.

"Bye Jake," I whispered as I ran passed him. A hole in my chest opened and I was left with nothing but the pain of the loss.

/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\/**\

That night I ran not because I enjoyed it, but because I was as miserable as purgatory ( I can't say hell because its my home, It wouldn't sound right.) I only ran a short distance before I gave up and went home. Then I just sat on my bed and stared deep into myself to find the reason why everything that I ever loved left me.

Then I heard a rustling from outside and I knew Jacob was here to talk.

"Bella! Its me, open the window." His rough voice whispered.

I opened it without moving and he looked confused, but he shook it off. He swung in, landing lightly on his feet. He waited to see if he had woken Charlie. I didn't, like me Charlie didn't need sleep. He was out with my apprentice, Adrian, trying his luck at a casino in Seattle.

When he was finally satisfied that nobody had awoken, he said, "Bella, I'm sorry, you were right this afternoon. That was a goodbye. I was made to do it, but I don't want to lose you Bells. Not for this." He begged me to understand what I already knew.

"But I need you to guess, 'cause I'm forbidden to tell you. But you're smart, you'll figure it out." He said this with such childlike optimism that it hurt me to see him worry about me, and as much as this would hurt me, I had to push him away.

"Don't bother explaining Jake," I remarked sneeringly.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean?"pressed with a look of horror on his face. I almost couldn't take it, I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be alright. I fought that urge with all I had, it killed me to hurt him more, but I had to.

"Jake I'm not what you think I am, you're too good a person, I don't want to lie but I don't think I'm ready for the truth to come out." I said with melancholic assurance.

"You're making no sense. What's going on?" I could tell he was staring to get pissed off, I didn't blame him. But he was shaking, and that was bad.

"There are werewolves, there are vampires, then there's me. The worst of the worst. Please leave now, don't destroy your chances of happiness on me. You deserve so much more than me Jake." I said this quietly, with no hope left.

"Bella…" he started, I just kept looking down, "never mind. Bye then." And with that he left silently.

I started crying so hard, and didn't stop until I was devoid of any more tears. I cried myself out, and I felt lighter, relieved of all those pains I had carried in my heart.

I was feeling stiff from not moving for a few hours, so I went for an extra long run. I went father then I had ever gone, but it was still a very familiar place.

It was beautiful, a perfect circular meadow filled with wild flowers. It was Edwards Meadow. He had brought me here when we had first started dating. It wasn't as beautiful as it had been when he was here. He shined in the sun, he made everything sparkle. It was bland without him.

Then everything changed. Everything started sparkling, and for an instant I let myself hope. Silly really, he would never come back.


	9. so many questions

**READ AUTHOR NOTE OR I WILL NOT UPDATE IN TWICE AS LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**A/N: sorry it took me so long to update, I've had a few assignments, and lets face it I just didn't feel like it. I want to hear back from you on a particular subject, do you want shorter chapters sooner of longer chapters slower. I try to make them over 1000 words each, but sometimes things take to long.**

**Also I need help on ideas for the reason Bella jumps off a cliff, since she doesn't hallucinate. Should it be on a dare or one of her games. **

**Should she or should she not die, I promise if she does she will come back.**

**I do not own twilight.**

**Read & Review.**

**I just have one more thing to say and if you think im crazy get over yourself im just more interesting than you.**

**BlueDingos4Eva!!!**

**That was it!!!LOL!!! Enjoy.**

Chapter 8

Then everything changed. Everything started sparkling, and for an instant I let myself hope. Silly really, he would never come back.

It was Laurent, one of the vampires in the chase to kill me last year. I was furious that he walked into EDWARD'S meadow!!! OUR meadow!!! He didn't finish the chase to kill me instead he went and stayed with another vegetarian vampire coven in Alaska. He chickened out, I suppose, when he realized that the coven protecting me was larger than his own. I decided to break the unbearable ice.

"Laurent? What are you doing here?"I asked adding in a hint of fear so he wouldn't see through my charade easily.

"Bella? I'm surprised to see you here. When I went to the Cullen place, it smelled as if it had been empty for awhile. I thought they would've taken you with them, weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?" This comment pissed me off. PET!!! Me a pet? I tried my best to hide my death glare, he just kept looking at me sardonically.

A voice in my head, that sounded remarkably like Edward, told me to lie ( I was rather accomplished at this particular skill ), and I wanted to play with him a little bit. But I knew that in the end I had to kill him.

"They stop by every so often, but I didn't want to move." I lied coolly.

"Mmm, is that so?" he murmured, and took a step toward me.

"What are you doing here?" I was uncomfortable with the direction this meeting had taken.

"I'm here on a favor to Victoria. You remember her don't you? She was James's mate." He said in a wistful tone that I couldn't place, and smelling the air around me.

I knew why he was here and what Victoria wanted him to do. Find me, and give her the information necessary to kill me. Mate for mate. Edward killed her mate so she would kill me in order to get back at him.

"She's put out with you, you know?" He sneered.

"Is that so?" I was getting bored with his girl. Each time he said something he moved closer to me.

"You've actually caught me at a bad time. I'm out hunting at this very moment, and you do smell so mouthwatering." He went for my neck, he was close enough now that all he had to do was lean in.

"I've heard that before you know?" I said with all my confidence, and threw him toward a tree with back-breaking force.

"What the …?" But I had already changed form into a silver lioness and lunged at him.

I tore his arm off. He screamed in bloodcurdling agony, and I let out a snickering laugh.

"What are you?" he demanded with pure rage. I let out another laugh.

In his head I growled "Your worst nightmare!" Then I lunged and ripped off his other arm. Another scream escaped his lips. I changed form into Polar bear** (A/N: polar bear thanx to Harrypotterandtwilightgirl257)**, with white and silver fur (I was always beautiful in my animal forms).

I lunged again, and this time it was for his throat. His scream was cut off with a gurgle, and he was no more.

I slipped back into human form and made a fire, and then I collected all the pieces and burnt them.

Absentmindedly I heard footsteps from the forest but ignore them, I have bigger things to worry about than stray hikers.

"You're kidding me right? This had got to be some sick joke!" I spun round and saw Jacob with four other huge Quileute . All I could do was feel sorry for him and the rest of these men who had lost their choices and futures to give their souls to me.

"I told you it was bad." I sighed as I started collecting up the pieces again.

"I didn't think this was what you meant. I didn't even think you were serious." he demanded.

"Jake! You can do this later, first I'd like to understand what is going on here." The biggest man said, I could only assume it was Sam.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what are you? And why are you here?" he demanded gently. I could see why he led the pack.

"Well Sam," he was surprised that I knew his name, but let it go, "I could tell you many different ways. But they're all very long. Why don't you sit down?" I said encouragingly.

I told my story in the best light I could, but I left out the most gruesome parts of my life, and explained my part here on earth as a Keeper and Guardian (Keepers are demons or devils that have been given responsibilities, and Guardians are the same thing, just angels) I was both to compensate for the differences from the rest of my kind.

But as much as I was impartial to this discussion (and also which was more favorable: Heaven or Hell) I put extra emphasis on the fact that I was not all bad, and the part of me that was usually listened to common sense. I knew Jacob was fuming but on the most part I ignored him and so did Sam.

"Can you just explain one thing?" Sam asked with fascination, "Why didn't you just kill that vampire at the very beginning if you could? Instead you let him play with you." I was beginning to like Sam, he was a good leader, he was honest and always cautious. He was genuinely interested in my answer, but the question made him seem kind of slow.

"Who was playing with who?" I asked slightly annoyed, but only gently chiding. This would be the perfect time to tell him when I was here before, when the Cullen's were also here, when they made the treaty with them, the one that I made them agree to before they would all perish in a fight.

"Oh, I see but I still don't really get it." His tone was confused and his brow was furrowed.

"Let me see if I can explain it any better," I thought for a minute. "Well, as old as I am, I'm only the age as you see me now. I spose being all powerful has made me immature in some ways, 'cause there's no restraint at on me all. Does that make it easier?" I had never put it that way before, not even to myself. I realized it was true.

"Don't get me wrong, I am mature in plenty ways; I've been enlightened by the messiah, I've fasted for 100 years, I have complete understanding of any philosopher or literature. But I like to play games. Don't we all? Even life is a game to me. If I die I can just come straight back. If I'm really bored I'll bring someone back from the dead, though of course I can only do that with the souls I own-" I got cut off by one of the other three boys( maybe only a boy) I guessed it was Quill since everybody rolled their eyes and sighed.

"You own souls?"

"I should explain. You know that I am here to maintain the balance of good and evil on earth. Where I come from they are called Guardians and Keepers, I am both since I come from both parts of the afterlife realm. Well to help me with that I own the souls of the earthbound supernatural souls." It seemed to be a long day when I finally got home. But it wasn't over yet.


End file.
